About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
