sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Soap is not a condiment
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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