is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
