Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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