weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
