Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize