U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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