bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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