I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
