I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
