Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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