whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
