dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
