I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize