Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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