I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
