piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
