just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
