If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
