Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize