i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
