She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
