I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize