During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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