I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
