i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
