Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
