Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
