Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
