Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your tits are I can't wait for
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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