there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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