At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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