I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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