Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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