So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
