yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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