I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
