I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
