I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
