I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
