you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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