If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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