it's like iHOP with fire
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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