so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
