i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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