I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
