I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize