Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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