I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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