she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
