3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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