I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
