I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
