It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
