i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
