And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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