i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
