yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
