I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
