You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
