Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize