there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
