so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
