you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
