I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize