She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
