Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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