Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize