Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize