Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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