so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
