had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
