just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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