Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
