Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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