mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
