I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
