Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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