no, he came in my armpit
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
