I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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