She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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