Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
