My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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