are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i think my tv is drunk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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