Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
