i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
