how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
