so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
