Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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