it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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