I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
