Don't you send me to vm
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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