1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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