My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
