then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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