I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
