Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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